Boong-Ga Boong-Ga: The Arcade Machine With An Ass

There have been some weird arcade machines but few can compare to Boong-Ga Boong-Ga, also known as Smack ‘Em – released mid-2000 in Japan. As the title suggests, the entire game is you hitting people in the ass.

Boong-Ga Boong-Ga Spank Em!

You spank that fake denim ass. For realsies. / Courtesy Taff System

Once you’ve inserted your yen, you select from a list of eight people who, according to a printed advertisement, ‘make your life miserable’. Characters to choose from include gold digger, gangster, mother-in-law, and child molester. And really, if you happen to chance upon one of these cabinets and you choose any character other than the child molester, you’re not getting the most out of this game.

Boong-Ga Boong-Ga Spank Em!

All this while a MIDI version of the Adams Family theme tune plays. Why, you ask? Well, so do we. / Courtesy Taff System

The ad also promises that in spanking the molester (complete with obligatory sweater-vest) that the ‘funny face expressions will make people laugh and relieve stress’. Probably true. Spanking an arcade machine’s ass does seem pretty satisfying. Unless, of course, it triggers some flashback to habitual sexual abuse in your formative years. That would be bad.

Boong-Ga Boonga-Ga Spank Em!

Jared-from-Subway-looking child molester. / Courtesy Taff System

Included in the cabinet, (for no real functional reason) is a gun holster, housing a chunk of plastic shaped to look like two hands locked together in a gun pose. It’s best explained as a novelty dildo, meant for insertion between the machine’s buttocks. Why? Well, the game was marketed as the first to simulate kancho, which is a popular playground prank in Japan and Korea (where the game was developed). This most often involves sneaking up behind a devastatingly slow shoe-tier and jamming your fingers in their ass, while shouting, “KANCHO!” Why? You need to stop asking why.

Boong-Ga Boong-Ga Spank 'Em!

Man with Trump hair jamming plastic finger into arcade machine’s ass. DON’T ASK WHY. / Courtesy Taff System

A hearty thwack with the palm of your hand for the true Boong-Ga Boong-Ga aficionado is the only way to go, though, giving you the best chance of winning the game’s greatest prize – a plastic piece of poo.

Boong-Ga Boong-Ga spank

We don’t feel like winners… / Courtesy Taff System

For those who don’t quite manage to win big, the machine still provides you with a charmingly odd memento – printed analysis of your sexual behaviour. We advise not putting too much faith in the findings. Ass-slapping is very much a science in its infancy.